Thursday, 26 July 2012

ANGRY appendix

Ok, I admit it, I am the worst blogger in the world and I am so sorry. It has been two months since my last post and please dear readers (if any of you are still reading) let me explain why.
For the first month I am afraid that nothing exciting was going on- how sad is that?! - there was literally nothing for me to write about. Things were going well. I had my birthday which was great fun, I had a few good nights out and all was going very well. Which was great- but kind of boring!
So I did not Blog out of fear of boring you to death. And then I got ill.
It turns out I have a very ANGRY appendix. So I ended up in hospital with a very very sore tummy (very very very sore in fact but I was very brave, especially after the morphine.)
Then they had to cut my appendix out, then I had to stay in hospital until I had antibiotics to clear the left over infection, then I had to stay in hospital until I could eat without being sick, then I got home but I couldn't climb stairs so was stuck in the flat and I still felt poorly so spent two weeks on the sofa watching Wimbledon and Jeremy Kyle. Finally I felt better, but I went on holiday to Morocco, so as you see  I am not just making excuses, I just couldn't Blog.
But here I am now fighting fit (well almost, my internal stitches are still healing which is a little sore, but I am much better than I was!) and ready to share with you my dramatic tale (it's not actually that dramatic but let me have my moment).
I am not going to bore you with all the details but I will give you a few highlights of my hospital stay. After poking me and prodding me (if one more person poked my stomach and said oh does that hurt? I think I might have lost the plot- it says on my chart that is where it hurts!) x-raying me and ultrasounding me, it was decided that with the pain and my 40 degree fever and the vomiting I very likely had appendicitis and they had to chop it oot. So I was top of the emergency surgery list and had to wait for the surgeons to be free and hey would take me in. This happened late on during my first night in hospital.
On my way to surgery I was a little nervous, this was partly due to the impending surgery and partly due to the fact that I got wheeled down to theatre at midnight and the corridors were all dark.
One too many horror films caused my over-active imagination to picture the bodies all getting out the morgue and chasing me making some sort of "Errrrrgh" noise. Considering I was in a hospital gown, hooked to two drips and unable to walk properly due to the pain running was not going to be an option. And with the hospital gown being backless the idea of being chased while my white ass hangs out was just too much. Anyway, for various reasons, I was a little nervous.
Sensing this, the nurse tried to take my mind off things. So he said: "There is nothing to worry about, you will fall asleep and when you wake up I will be next to you and I want you to say to me-You are the best nurse in the world." Now, I see what he was trying to do, get me to think about something else- genius!
So, when I woke up from surgery after having a wee panic- oxygen masks + claustrophobia don't go well- I turned to the nurse sitting next to me and sort of mumbled in a zombie apocalyptic can't quite speak way and said: "ooo eeee est wurse in world."
"Pardon" they asked?
Gathering my post surgery, morphine haze strength I said: "You are the best nurse in the world." I then opened my eyes in triumph and.... it wasn't him.
It was a different nurse who smiled at me in the same way you smile at a four year old who is "playing" the piano and she said: "That's nice dear." Then promptly gave me more drugs and I fell asleep again.
When I woke up again, the surgeon was standing over me.
But to hear that tale you will have to tune in next time- and I promise it will not take me two months.
Anyway, if anyone is reading- Thanks!