Thursday, 22 September 2011

Spider troubles

So, for those of you who do not know this about me, I do not like spiders. They are creepy. All leggy and furry and ahhh they make me shiver. Even talking about them makes me panic.

I have had a few bad experiences with spiders. One of which involved my boyfriend (who is also afraid of spiders- what is that about?!). One night I was in the bathroom of my house brushing my teeth, when in the mirror I noticed something massive on the wall next to my bathroom door.
This thing was HUGE, in the mirror it looked like a big black spot and I thought it was maybe a hole in the wall- I don't know why there would be a hole in the wall, but this was the most sensible conclusion cause this was huge.

But, when I turned around it was not a hole in the wall, oh no it was the biggest spider I have ever seen.
Being a sensible female I screamed. Very loudly.

When I screamed the spider moved. Now at this point I was standing on the floor and thought if it comes off the wall onto the floor it will crawl onto my leg and then... well i don't know what would have happened then but the thought was horrific.

The only way out of the bathroom was to pass the monster- and as obviously the spider meant me harm and would leap off the wall towards me, this was not an option. So I did the sensible thing and jumped in the sink.

Ultimately my boyfriend, who was very brave considering he normally screams like a girl, saved me. But this should give you an idea of how much I hate spiders.

So, two weeks ago i stumbled into my bathroom in the morning and went to get into the bath for a shower and as I lifted my foot over, looked down and there was a massive spider.
I jumped back and, trying not to scream thought something along the lined of "Oh bother there is a large spider."

As it was early in the morning I decided to man up and deal with the spider myself. So grabbing the shower head, I chased the beast round the bath until I flushed it down the plug hole.
I was victorious, or at least i thought I was until I moved the water and incywincy mega spider came up the spout again.

It was indestructible. so now I knew that simply putting it down the plug was not enough to defeat this thing so i once again flushed it down the plughole. Then I put in the plug and then, after seeing it's super spider sense, I put a heavy object on top to ensure it stayed away.

After this I felt slightly shaken. So I showered quickly and stepped out with a sigh of relief that the spider had not escaped its watery tomb.

I lifted up my hair towel, and as I flung it forward to wrap up my hair- a spider fell out. Ahhhhhh!
It was quite a small spider, probably the beast in the baths child, but a spider nonetheless and it was almost on my head. The thought now makes me shiver.
After running into the hall butt naked, I pulled myself together and went to work- but I am telling you I was not in a happy place.

But as all people must do when faced with adversity, I soldiered on.

The next day, my shower went smoothly, the towels were spider free and I was very smugly driving on the dual carriage way when disaster struck.

A spider was hanging over my window. Quite a big spider, just hanging there, taunting me with it's multiple eyes and it's fangs.

Once again I went "oh dear a spider in my can and I am driving rather fast. What an interesting problem" or something along those lines.

I knew I had to act quickly before it ended up on me and I caused a crash. So gathering all my courage I put down the window and slapped the nasty spider as hard as I could so it flew out the car onto the road.

Then I screamed for quite a while.

After these two days of spider-related disasters I am now more paranoid than ever. My own hair frightens me when I am asleep, as it goes across my skin and I think it's a monster, I am scared to lift things in case one of them is waiting for me.

And as a new precaution, as I heard you swallow spiders in your sleep I am going to start sleeping in an space suit like NASA Astronauts wear (If anyone knows where I can get one I will appreciate the help).

I am frightened.

But anyway that's all for now. I hope you are well and far from any nasty spiders.